Existentialism on Game Night

As some of you know I have moved from California back to the wonderful city of West Monroe over the last couple of months. I resumed my position at CASA as an advocate supervisor. Unfortunately, due to the extensive amount of loans that I have accumulated finishing my Master's degree, I also drive from West Monroe to Choudrant and watch my cousin. That being said I have a lot of time to think while I drive. I wish I had a tape recorder so I could record my thoughts because right now I have forgotten what I was thinking about on the way over here this morning.

I guess what I want to discuss is this idea of success. What is success and what does it mean? I think that I personally have become so consumed with this word and still do not really grasp the complete meaning of the word. Online there are two definitions of success that I liked. One is "an event that accomplishes its intended purpose" and "a state of prosperity or fame."

I feel that I don't think that I am successful because I am not achieving the second definition of the word. And for argument sake I like a majority of the population is not going to have fame in this world. Now I can achievement an accomplishment and everybody can... so why do I think that it is necessary to be famous... or to pretend that I am going to be famous one day... "It's just not going to happen!"

I hear about certain musicians such as Lady Gaga, Britney, you name them and think seriously.... They get to be famous for absolutely nothing... And don't get me wrong I don't want to be famous like them or even be a singer. I just want something more than I have. I know this is my human nature and my own selfishness is creeping in to make me want things that I am not going to get, but seriously... LADY GAGA!!!

I then feel convicted with I listen to Emery or LIfehouse and start to think about how I should just be grateful for a husband, a house, two puppies, my family, a job, etc. But it's not enough. Nothing is ever enough because we are not only born with this desire, the world we live in perpetuates our desire to always want more.

So when do I get my break? When do I get to do something that I want to do? Do I ever? Or am I going to have to live a mundane complacent existence until my life on this earth is over? Wanting it and trying for it just isn't enough. For some reason the only way you can get the second version of success is to 1. Be really good at what you are trying to do or 2. Know somebody or 3. Have a lot of money. I don't have any of these.

I feel convicted for feeling this way but Christ calls us to be honest and I am trying to be honest regardless of what others may think. At least I am letting it all out there instead of letting it consume me or I am trying to....

If we can't get to where we want then I guess the existentialists had it correct when they stated that Life is meaningless.... LIfe does seem that way to me right now...